KIDcam: Jason Hawk Edition

by JHawk March 23rd 2010, 6:12 pm

KID, I and the guy I still can't remember what his name is, were still in Texas.

The Notorious K.I.D
Louis you are the cameraman as always.

Louis
Of course.

Louis, that is his name. I got to remember that.

Jason Hawk.
KID, this is your show. Where are we going first?

The Notorious K.I.D
I have no ideas for this KIDcam. I don't know what we should do. I guess we can just go somewhere and then just see what we get.

You don't have any ideas? Come on KID, you can do better.

Jason Hawk.
Fine

We started to walk. Which was pretty stupid because we where in the middle of nowhere.

Jason Hawk.
Guys? Why are we walking, we are in the middle of nowhere.

KID and Louis looked around.

The Notorious K.I.D
You are right, lets head back to the tank.

10 minutes later.

The Notorious K.I.D
Louis where did we park the tank?

Louis
It has to be somewhere around here. Keep looking.

10 minutes later.

Jason Hawk.
Where the fuck is that tank?!

10 minutes later of walking a looking.

The Notorious K.I.D
Do you think the cops found the tank?

Then I noticed a sign that read, ”Welcome to Houston”

Jason Hawk.
Nevermind there is a city there lets go in.

We all three went into Houston and the first thing I saw had my laughing my ass off harder then i have done in a long time. It was a drunken sailor that was singing a song about shemales.

Stewart Stardust
Good day everyone, I am Stewart Stardust and i want to sing a song for you.

Since I as young boy for the first went to the sea.
I have learned a thing or two.
When you are on land and want to find a girl.
It is important that you search long and good.
Because the girl can be more then you wish.
There may be some cheat in the game.
In a hooker house in Shanghai I found me a bride.
Take my word she was pretty as a dream.
But there was maybe a little to much make-up and muscles bigger then mine.
But when I put my hand down her pants, I found a shocking suprise.

Hey Ho Hey Ho.
A man in a dress.
I didn't think it was legal at all.
And don't remember ordering a hot dog.
But what the hell I already had paid.

I was down in Vietnam.
Where the girls are so small.
There I met a girl named Hoo.
Only 4 feet tall and eyes so big.
And I saw double so it was ok.
Because pretty she wasn't but almost.
And I had gotten a little to much of the beer.

Hey Ho Hey Ho.
A man in a dress.
You won't believe the experience.
Drunk or not, i promise i screamed, when i saw she was born with a dick"

I have been everywhere from Houston to Iraq.
So listen what sailor says.
It is easy to get a girl when you are on land.
Remember every sailor is happy for a girl.
But if you really want something.
You have to find a girl with a wig on.

Hey Ho Hey Ho.
A man in dress.
Transvestite, Boygirl, Cat-toy or shemale.
Good things have a lot of names you know.

Everyone sing along!
Hey Ho Hey Ho.
A man in a dress.

Just then a cop walked up to the drunken sailor and asked him to leave. But the drunken sailor just kept on singing. I didn't quiet catch what he said

Cop.
Get out of here. That is not suitable for the children walking around here.

Stewart Stardust
Just let me finish the song.

The cop started to push the drunken sailor away but the drunken sailor wasn't going down without a fight.

Cop
Leave now!.

He said as he pushed him one more time. This time the drunken sailor got mad. He punched the cop in the face but the cop was quickly up again.

Cop.
You are under arrest.

He said as he took the drunken sailor away.

Stewart Stardust
You have to let me finish the song.

Louis, KID and I were laughing our asses off. We walked further into the city. Of course KID and Louis had stopped laughing but I just couldn't get Stewart Stardust of my mind. So I kept on laughing.

The Notorious K.I.D
Dude, it is not that funny anymore.

What was he talking about. It was hilarious.

Jason Hawk.
Yes it is! That guy was awesome. If he is going to jail then I'll bust him out.

The Notorious K.I.D
No we are not. That guy was disgusting and groose.

Jason Hawk.
So what? It is not like you have to score him.

Louis and I laughed but KID had to be a moodkiller and just roll his eyes. Doesn't seem like KID to be like that but eh. What if KID was like that all the time?

….............................................

Jason Hawk.
Hey KID, lets go out and do some flips and tricks, and jump cars and all that you like.

The Notorious K.I.D
No I don't feel like it.

Brook... K.I.D?
KID come fuck me right now!

The Notorious K.I.D
No I don't feel like it.

Shadow Demon.
KID, lets go win those tag team titles.

The Notorious K.I.D
No I don't feel like it.

….....................................

Hehehe... Wait! Is that what KID will be like if he doesn't beat Brenton at War Games? Dude! KID needs to win at War Games. Or else he'll turn emo!

The Notorious K.I.D
JASON!!

I shook my head and got back into reality. Sometimes I let my mind get the best of me. So I knew that KID had apperently been trying to get my attention for a while.

Jason Hawk.
What?

The Notorious K.I.D
I know where we can go. Neither of us are americans, so neither of us know how to be cowboys.

Jason Hawk.
Cowboys? Did you ever see Brokeback Mountain?

The Notorious K.I.D
No.

Jason Hawk.
Me neither, but I heard it was about some gay cowboys. So cowboys are gay. Wait! Lucky Luke was totally not gay! Lets do it!

The Notorious K.I.D
Awesome. I want to shoot something and ride a horse.

KID, Louis and I started to walk. As we walked we bumped into Stewart Stardust, you know the drunken sailor from earlier who was singing about shemales.

Stewart Stardust.
OII! Watch where you are going son or I'll have to crack this beer bottle over your head!

Jason Hawk.
Hey! You are the conjurer who we listen to earlier.

Stewart Stardust.
You heard me sing?

Jason Hawk.
Yeah dude, that was some fine music.

Stewart Stardust.
Music gets so much better when it is true.

Jason Hawk.
Sure does. But what do you know about wrestling?

Stewart Stardust.
I know it is a good way to smack someone on the head with a beer bottle. I like to do that you see. Hehe..

Jason Hawk.
How would you like to join my wrestling fed?

KID pulled my arm and got my attention.

The Notorious K.I.D
Dude! Are you seriously going to get this guy to join HGR Wrestling? He is a fucking hobo.

Jason Hawk.
So what? He is hilarious. The fans would love him.

KID just shook his head in disagreement and said.

The Notorious K.I.D
Oh well, it is your fed.

I had already given Stewart the info he needed and a number he could call if he got confused.

Jason Hawk.
Lets go and learn how to be cowboys.

Then I saw a bar.

Jason Hawk.
But first lets go get a beer.

The Notorious K.I.D
FUCK YEAH!

Jason Hawk.
Do you realize that is the first time you said that today?

The Notorious K.I.D
It is?

Jason Hawk.
Yeah.

The Notorious K.I.D
In that case. FUCK YEAH!! Second time.

Both Louis and I laughed and we went into the bar. We all got a beer each.

Jason Hawk.
We should get wasted and then ride some horses. That would be awesome.

The Notorious K.I.D
Yeah! Wait, do you think that the cops and get us for drunken riding.

Jason Hawk.
I don't know. But lets just drink before we can think about that.

The Notorious K.I.D
Good point. CHUG IT!

We all chugged our beer then a second, a third, a fourth and then Louis passed out. And KID and I stopped drinking so we decided to talk to some of the people in the bar. KID saw this guy who looked like a suicide bomber.

The Notorious K.I.D
DUDE!! You have to get that guy in HGR!!!

With that KID pulled my arm to show me the guy. I turned and almost pissed myself laughing. KID stood up and walked towards, I quickly followed him. KID and I sat down at his table where he was sitting alone and eating some curry.

The Notorious K.I.D
I don't know your name so I'll call you D!KHED so lets cut right to the chase. My friend here has his own wrestling fed, and he wants you in.

I have no idea why KID was acting like a cop. It must have been the alcahol.

D!KHED.
You wanna' feel my dick on your head, ja?

Then he started laughing so much that his turban unraveled and fell into his curry, and that just made him laugh even more. KID grabbed the guy with both hands and yelled at him.

The Notorious K.I.D
LISTEN UP MAN! YOU JOIN THE FED OR ELSE I WILL BEAT YOU UP!!

Maybe KID did get a little to much to drink.

The Notorious K.I.D
DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?!?!

Just then some weird guy who was wearing a super hero costume walked up to us and said.

El Insano.
Que este hombre o se sentirá mi llamas, siento que mi odio

I looked up at the guy who was just as tall as me. But I had no idea on what he said. So I answered him

Jason Hawk.
Riposare in pace

I have no idea on what I just said. Or if it was the same languege, it sounded very similiar to me. But the guy seemed confused, and so was I. So we just looked at each other. Both being confused. I didn't really understand what was going on.

El Insano.
queso y la carne van muy bien con la leche

What the fuck?

Jason Hawk
Yeah you are in too.

But what are you in too? Dude, I am confused. Does he want to be in HGR I'll let him in.

Jason Hawk.
Welcome to HGR!.

Just then KID pulled me away and dragged me out of the bar.

The Notorious K.I.D
Good news man. I got D!KHED to join HGR.

Jason Hawk.
Awesome.

Just then some guy who liked like he was an asshole bumped into us.

Jason Hawk.
Hey! Watch where you are going you asshole.

@$$hole.
Asshole? That is my name.

The Notorious K.I.D
Yeah, you really are one.

Just then some man walked passed us. @$$hole locked a sleeper lock on him. He held it for so long that the man almost died. But he realesed the hold while the man's head was blue and yellow. Just to be an ass.

Jason Hawk.
Dude! I want you in HGR Wrestling.

@$$hole.
Whatever.

He said as he walked off.

Jason Hawk.
Do you realize that we now have 4 wrestlers on HGR?

The Notorious K.I.D
Awesome.

Jason Hawk
But dude. Should we go cowboy'ing

The Notorious K.I.D
Fuck yeah. Lets go shoot some cows and throw lazoos

Jason Hawk.
Lets go.

And 2 hours later we were on a ranch. I have no idea on how we got there or where this ranch was. But who gives a shit. We just wanted to shoot some cows. This fat man walked up to us and said.

Mike Foley.
Good day and welcome to the Butt Ranch.

Both KID and I burst into laughter when we heard the name of the ranch and the owner seemed really calm about it.

Mike Foley.
It is very usuall that the guests laugh at our name. I'll get your horses.

KID and I were still laughing.

”If I want it, I get it. Understand?”

KID and I both turned to see who it was. It was some black guy in a suit. He was yelling at some ranch worker. He looked like a millionaire. KID and I decided to go talk to him. And as drunk as we were, we just didn't care.

Jason Hawk
Hey man. What is your problem?

Edward Theodore Atticus
My problem is that this poor man doesn't want to give me the horse I want. I am entitled to everything I want.

The Notorious K.I.D
Dude, you should relax some more or else I will shoot you!

KID said as he pointed at Edward Theodore Atticus with a toygun. Again I got confused.

Jason Hawk.
What the? Where did you get that?

The Notorious K.I.D
I have no idea man. I guess I found it somewhere.

KID then began to shoot with the gun.

The Notorious K.I.D
YIIIHAAA!!!!

Why did he just yell? I get way to confused when I am drunk. KID was standing infront of a wall and acting out an old western shoot-out. His shadow was standing up against the wall.

The Notorious K.I.D
So you think you can kill me? You think you are that much faster then me? You think you will survive this?

Suddenly KID grabbed his pistol and shoot at the wall. Afterwards he looked at the wall in shock. He slowly turned towards me. He looked terrefied.

The Notorious K.I.D
Di.. Did... Did you see that? I was faster then my own shadow.

Confused as I was I asked.

Jason Hawk.
Seriously?.

The Notorious K.I.D
Yes! I have superpowers!!!

KID did the suicide dance in celebration.

The Notorious K.I.D
I hope Louis filmed that! Wait... Where is Louis?

Jason Hawk.
He passed out in the bar.

The Notorious K.I.D.
Fuck, I got to go get him. Stay here, I'll be back in a bit.

KID left and Mike Foley came back with our horses.

Edward Theodore Atticus
I want that horse.

Jason Hawk.
I want you in HGR Wrestling.

That is when I noticed that Mike Foley had two butts.

Jason Hawk.
I want you too. Since you have too butts.

As I said that I started to ride towards the sunset. I was on my way back home to San Diego.

Jason Hawk.
I'm a poor lonesome cowboy
I'm a long long way from home
My Horse is all I got,

And I can't remember the rest of that song I made up.

________________________________________________________________________________________

The Match.

Shadow Demon

We haven't met in the ring before. But we met another place. Not so nice that experience, but I survived. Just as I did when Aaron attacked me last week. I always survive. You can do whatever you want. You can take Taylor away from me. Take Scott from me. Take everything I have from me.

But I will always survive.

Just as I will survive next week at War Games. Not only will I survive. I will walk out of there with the Undisputed title around my waist. And the sad thing for all of you is.

You know there is nothing you can do about it.

Doesn't that suck? Doesn't it suck to know that you will lose a match. Doesn't it suck to know that no matter you do, you won't be able to slow me down. Nothing can slow me down. And if you get lucky enough to actually knock me down once.

I'll know not to do that again.

You never know what I can come up with in the ring. I may not be the smartest man in NLWF but I am damn sure one of the most creative. Want proof? Look at Dangerous By Design and you will see catapult made out of ladders, made by me. Watch my match with Maddox Li and Mark Pollak. I dropkicked Maddox then landed on Mark with an elbow drop. Look at each and every one of my match. You will see me do something awesome, something crazy, something amazing and something creative.

I can attack you from every angle.

I can take down you by weakening your back so much that you will find it difficult to walk for days to come. I can weaken your arms so much that you won't be able to pick up a spoon or a fork, so you can't eat. You will have to be fed. I can imagine Corey being spoon fed by someone.

No wait!

He already is. Everything he has ever gotten has been because Brenton Cyrus gave it to him. He got everything he has handed to him on a silver plate. But at War Games there will be no Brenton Cyrus to help you out Corey.

Looks like you are fucked.

When we had our feud Corey, there was one thing I learned. Everything in NLWF is a part of the plan for the greater good of Salvation. That was all you talked about. ”I was confused but I knew god had a plan for the greater good of Salvation” That was all you said. But come this Monday I will break the plan and win back my Undisputed title.

But wait, then isn't that just part of the plan too?

When everything is over, and the the bell has sounded for the last time. Jason Hawk will be the last man standing in the ring. And all the world will once again see Jason Hawk as their NLWF Undisputed champion. Then after that I'll get the World Heavyweight championship and then the NLWF title.

Then the year of the Hawk is complete

And it all starts with War Games.