Memoirs of an extremely good looking person!

Swan Lee stood in his locker room with Mr. Sloppy in hand, Mr. Sloppy looked like his usual dirty, drenched self. For Mr. Sloppy was just a used condom with eyes and a mouth that were crudely drawn with a sharpie. Swan had a television in front of him and a old VCR that was given to him by Carmine.

Swan Lee

Mr. Sloppy! Carmine gave me the video of Hazard's promo, this should be super cute! I can't wait to meet another sexy wrestler in the middle of the ring, so that I can infect him with AIDS as well.

Mr. Sloppy turned and looked at Lee with a worried look on his eyes.

Mr. Sloppy

But, have you seen this wrestler yet? I don't know if you are going to like him, Swan.

Swan laughed and jumped in the air with glee.

Swan Lee

What are you talking about, Mr. Sloppy? Quit being a Silly Billy! Of course I'm going to like him! I like every single one of the male wrestlers in the locker room, in fact, I have a crush on every one of them. Especially Brenton Cyrus, you know, yesterday me and Tiffany went to the mall together.

Mr. Sloppy

Jeeeeeeeessssssuuuuuuuusssssssssss Christ! Are you cheating on me, Swan?

Swan Lee

With a woman? Oh please you super silly goose. Of course I wouldn't cheat on you! She is a girl, duh!

Mr. Sloppy

So, you are saying that if she was guy that you would?

Swan Lee

Oh Sloppy! You know that I love to get around! <3 As I was saying before I got so ruuuuuudely interrupted. ;-) I was in the mall with Tiffany and she just couldn't shut up with how good Brenton Cyrus is in bed. All the dirty little secrets that she was telling me. It was getting me all excited. So, when she wasn't looking I snuck into the bathroom and pulled out my cell phone. I pulled out that picture that I secretly took of Brenton Cyrus. And I pulled down my pants and grabbed my dick, I started stroking at a furious pace. As I slid my hand down my cock, all I could think about was Brenton Cyrus sliding his cock in between my butt cheeks and pounding me. I came in buckets, all over my cell phone. You want to know the funny part? After wiping off my phone, Tiffany borrowed it to call Cyrus. ;-)

Mr. Sloppy

That does sound hot, Swan.

Swan Lee

I know, Sloppy. So let's watch this promo, because I know that I will fall in love instantly.

Swan sticks the tape in the VCR, then he sticks his cock in too. But Swan realizes that the device won't form to his dick so he sticks it back out. Swan watches the tape and two seconds later he stops it and ejects it.

Swan Lee

That's it! That's all he said about me, like a second worth of promo time? Then what the hell esle did he talk about?

Mr. Sloppy

I told you Swan...You don't want to watch the rest, I guarantee you that you'll fall asleep faster than Michael after tearing an artery.

Swan Lee

That is so bad, Sloppy and you know it.

Mr. Sloppy

Oh, I know!

Swan Lee

You deserve a spanking! Tee-hee. But, that will have to come later. Can I just say that Hazard is u-u-u-u-gly! I mean it would be cute if he took off the mask and stuff but he looks like a scary gay ghost. I mean, it's gay if you wear red and look like a ghost right? If Casper was red, I would think he likes to suck dick.

Mr. Sloppy

Oh Swan.

Swan Lee

I think it's time for another victim of AIDS to be christened. After all, I can't lose my No Limits title. This is definitely the title that I want to keep, in fact, I want to make it the most fashionistic title in the NLWF. If you aren't fashionable like meh, then you can't have the title. Only good looking people can wear it, in the past, there have been nothing but good looking people with this belt, save...Death Angel.

Mr. Sloppy

True, Death Angel is ugly.

Swan Lee

I would still do him, though.

Mr. Sloppy

You are so naughty.

Swan Lee

But, let me give Hazard a little warning to what is going to happen in our match. Our match is going to be a thriller because I'm going to come in as a smooth criminal and your butt is mine because I'm going to moonwalk all over you. It doesn't matter if you are black or white because when the match is over, I'm going to pull out my dick and beat it.