Sit down with a Killer Clown

by Knife to Know You January 10th 2011, 2:54 pm

The scene opens on an interview type set-up. There is a man dressed in a business suit sitting in a chair. There is a large FTW logo on the backdrop. The man is shuffling through his notecards…a nervous look on his face. His hands are visibly shaking as he shuffles the cards. The interviewer turns and looks at the cameraman

Interviewer- Maybe he’s not coming….

Suddenly, evil laughter is heard…accompanied by a familiar voice

K2KU- Sorry…no such luck!

The interviewer jumps to his feet as K2KU walks onto the interview set. He laughs nervously as he holds out his hand

Interviewer- Haha, I’m actually glad you are here! It means I can interview you and try to provide answers to the questions the FTW fans want to know!

K2KU rolls his eyes

K2KU- Oh I’m sure you are quite happy I’m here…

The interviewer motions to the seat behind K2KU

Interviewer- Please Mr…uh…

K2KU- Just call me Knife or K2KU

The interviewer smiles and shakes his head

Interviewer- Right. Please Knife…take a seat

K2KU turns and sits down in the chair the interviewer had previously motioned to. The interviewer then sits in the chair opposite K2KU’s chair. He turns and nods quickly at the cameraman. The cameraman returns the nods and begins to countdown.

3…
2…
1…

The Interviewer smiles widely

Mike Hendrix- Hello Fight The World fans! I am FTW interviewer Mike Hendrix and I am here with the Red Triangle Circus Champion Knife to Know You

K2KU smiles and waves excitedly

K2KU- Hiya!

Mike Hendrix- Well Knife, I wanted to ask you a few questions about your upcoming match with Hank Henry…

K2KU- No thank you!

Mike Hendrix furrows his brow

Mike Hendrix- What do you mean?

K2KU shrugs, his smile growing wider

K2KU- I’ve said all I want to say about boring old Hankypoo. I want to talk about someone else!

Mike Hendrix- Um…ok…who would you like to talk about them?

K2KU takes out a large cigar and places it in his mouth. He then takes out his lighter and lights the cigar and blows a smoke ring

K2KU- I want to talk about my buddy Tim Patrick!

Mike Hendrix- Um…ok. What makes you want to talk about him?

K2KU puffs on his cigar

K2KU- Well, Timmy and I have some history. When Tim Patrick debuted…he did so in a match against me. Tim actually won his debut match against me. After that loss, I had to take a second and try to figure out why I lost. I had to take a few steps back and try to analyze why it is that Tim Patrick was able to beat me so handily in his debut match

Mike Hendrix- And what conclusion did you come to?

K2KU- Simple…Tim was lucky. There is no way he could’ve beaten me if I was on top of my game. I under estimated him…I didn’t take him seriously. Tim was just some rookie to me. I didn’t feel the need of the desire to really put a beat down on the poor little rookie. I guess a part of me might have even wanted Tim to succeed…

K2KU laughs

K2KU- Ok…that’s a lie. The only real reason why I would’ve wanted Tim to win was to prove to him that he was perfect for the Clown World Order…

Mike Hendrix- How would letting him beat you show him that…

K2KU suddenly reaches out and extinguishes his cigar on the back of Mike Hendrix’s hand

Mike Hendrix- Ow fuck!!!!!!!!!

K2KU smirks

K2KU- That’s how!

Tears spring into Mike’s eyes but he remains silent

K2KU- Tim, you broke the code of the locker room. You heard a tiny bit of conversation that wasn’t even in context and you ran to the media and started talking shit about one of the legends in this industry. You heard something out of context and you just couldn’t wait to jump up and down and scream “LOOK AT ME! I KNOW SOMETHING THAT I HEARD FROM SOMEONE ELSE THIS ONE TIME!”

You just couldn’t wait for someone to pay attention to you could you Tim? You just desperately needed some sort of attention. And so you took your fragment of information and decided to make it your claim to fame! Tim, has it ever dawned on you that maybe you should try ACTUALLY WINNING AN IMPORTANT MATCH instead of trying to get famous by being the sole supporter of gay rights in FTW? No, I’m sure it hasn’t. Because you just won’t let this shit go now will you?

K2KU chuckles

K2KU- My favorite part of your little rant was when you called Corey Casey a coward. Now, I am no big fan of CC. The guy is a pompous, arrogant ass hole. But he has also done it all when it comes to professional wrestling…literally! He’s been a part of an unstoppable faction, he has held every single major title in this industry, he has held almost all of the undercard titles. He has stepped into the ring with the likes of Brenton Cyrus and Nick Ridicule and walked away victorious time and again. How exactly does that make him a coward? If anything, i'd say that makes him more of a man than you'd ever be! To top it all off, he is 6-0-1 inside the satanic structure known as the Double Cage Horror. So for you to break the code of the locker room and just decide to announce to the world a random piece of something you overheard out of context just to make a name for yourself…that’s the real problem here. The fact that you are a loud mouthed little bitch who doesn’t even bother to check his facts before skipping off to the nearest member of the media to announce your random-ass findings is the real issue here.

Tim, at Majority Rules, I hope that CC doesn’t rip your head off. I hope that he allows you to continue to draw breath. Honestly, I don’t think that is going to happen…but hey…why not hope right? Now you might be asking yourself why? Why would I wish that?

K2KU shrugs

K2KU- simple…I hope he lets you survive long enough for me to show you about locker room unity. I hope CC lets you live long enough for me to rip your arms off and beat you to death with them. You are nothing more than an attention seeking whore. You are just so desperate for someone to pay attention to you that you will say anything, do anything, and believe anything as long as you manage to get a second of spotlight. Now Tim, just so you know, I don’t give a shit that you are bi-sexual or that you used to perform in a donkey show down in Tijuana or that you once had an intimate relationship with a large black man named bubba in an British prison some months ago. What I do care about is that you are a self-righteous prick. What I do care about is that you believe that your views are right and you won’t even take 20 seconds to listen to the other side of the argument.

You are also a hypocrite. You sit here and you criticize Corey Casey for saying something that offends a certain group of people. You sit here and you talk about how horrible a person CC is because he once put his hands on Ashley Matthews and has threatened to hit a woman. LOOK AROUND YOU TIM! Ashley Matthews is a member of the roster! Not only that, women get beat on all the time in FTW! Hell, in the main event two weeks ago, Jason Hawk sent Anna Macdonald through a table. Where was your outrage then Tim? Where was your offended challenge to Jason Hawk?

K2KU pretends to think for a moment

K2KU- Oh that’s right…you didn’t have any. There was no self-righteous challenge to Jason Hawk from Tim Patrick. There were no accusations that Jason Hawk hates every woman ever and that everyone should hate Jason Hawk. You are such a scum sucking piece of shit that I can’t even stand it. You know, FTW isn’t about catering to the massive amount of different political groups. FTW isn’t about being politically correct. FTW isn’t about making friends and not offending anyone. FTW is about…well…fighting. If someone doesn’t hate you, if someone doesn’t want to kick your ass, if someone doesn’t want to see you lying dead in the middle of the ring…then you just aren’t doing a good job.

K2KU looks at Mike Hendrix who has a stunned look on his face

K2KU- Yeah…I’d say we’re done here…

K2KU gets up to walk off the set when he suddenly turns and looks at the camera, an evil smile on his face

K2KU- Oh and Timmy…

K2KU suddenly throws a knife which pierces the glass of the camera lens. Maniacal laughing can be heard in the background as the picture fades to black…

K2KU- It’s been…so KNIFE TO KNOW YOU!