A Bad Company way of life: Part I: A clean slate

A Bad Company way of life: Making new friends
Sunday, October 3rd 2010
Miami, Florida

We laugh together. At what? I have no idea. We were just laughing again, laying in bed together, buried under the covers. It felt better than when we were first dating. That fire was renewed. Not just renewed, but it burned bigger and hotter than ever. I brought Ashley back to the mansion I bought for us when we were married, the night before. She had been staying with her family in Tennessee but I convinced her to come and spend the week off with me.

Ashley Matthews
I love you.

Those words were the best thing I had ever heard. She was melting away layers of ice that had formed around my heart, every moment I spent away from her.

Nick Ridicule
I love you too. More than anything.

We lay on our sides just looking at each other. The hard part was over. We had already talked about things, tried to work out all the problems in our relationship that tainted it. Both of us had reasons, excuses, but in the end we realized we were both responsible.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

I look over at the alarm clock on the nightstand beside me as it starts going off. We had a busy day scheduled, our first grown up date. Ashley was so excited about the whole thing, but I just wanted to spend my time alone with her. I hit the top of the clock, then turn back to my side, looking at her.

Nick Ridicule
Looks like we stayed up all night..

She looks tired, but not too bad. Still as gorgeous as ever before. It was kind of weird and whenever she asked me ‘why?’ I could never explain it, but I loved seeing Ashley in the morning without any makeup on. Something about getting to see her true beauty made me feel special.

Ashley Matthews
It was a great night.

She puts her hand on my face, then scoots closer to me. I smile placing my hand down on her hip, then scoot closer to her.

Nick Ridicule
The best.

We get close to each other and speak at the same time.

Nick Ridicule
Just like old times…

Ashley Matthews
Just like old times…

We kiss, locking lips for the first time today. She was such a perfect kisses. Her lips were so moist and she knew how to make it so passionate. Someone once told me smart girls were the best in bed. After being with Ashley over a year and now having someone to compare her too, I knew it was fact. Ashley is the best. I pull away trying to think about something else. Thoughts of my betrayal creep into my head making me uncomfortable.

Ashley Matthews
What’s wrong? Did I make the kissy face too early?

I smile wide, almost laughing. I shake my head, then move in. We kiss again. Ashley shifts over to mount me. She pulls away, then grabs my wrists and holds my arms down. She giggles playfully and leans close. I try to kiss her but she teases me, pulling away. She moves to my ear and whispers.

Ashley Matthews
Last night was perfect.

Nick Ridicule
Last night? Don’t you mean, Saturday was perfect?

She bites the lower lobe of my ear first playfully, before she bites it hard. I laugh and call out.

Nick Ridicule
AWWW, AHHH, OUCH!

She stops biting and whispers again.

Ashley Matthews
I’ll be lucky if I can walk today because of you.

Nick Ridicule
I’ll carry you.

She sits up, placing her hands on my chest while she looks down at me.

Ashley Matthews
Don’t you think people might find that a bit strange?

I grin, practically from ear to ear, looking up at her. I grab her wrists preparing for her reaction.

Nick Ridicule
As strange as you walking like you went horseback riding?

Her eyes get wide and her mouth opens slightly. She whacks my chest and I sweep her over ending up on top of her. I control her wrists and hold her down, now on top of her, between her legs. She jolts and tries to pull her arms free. I lay close to her, pressing my body against hers. I put my face next to her face, getting close to her ear.

Nick Ridicule
Come on…don’t fight me.

I whisper gently, then begin to kiss her ear, moving down to her neck. Suddenly, she begins to thrash and kick, catching me to the stomach with her foot, then with a kick to the chest.

Nick Ridicule
What’s wrong?

She pulls an arm free and slaps me. I grab her arm and force it back down, preventing her from hitting me. I look down at her face. She has tears in her eyes and suddenly I’m confused. I thought we were just playing, what happened? I try to calm her down.

Nick Ridicule
Don’t cry, Ashley…

I release my grip on her wrists, then put my hands on her face. She lifts her legs up and manages to lock me in a triangle choke. I try to escape but she locks it in so fast I can’t pull my head or arm out. I smile at first, my head stuck between her legs. For a few seconds I think we’re playing again, but as her legs tighter around my neck the smile fades away. I use my last breath the get out three words.

Nick Ridicule
…you’re choking me…

Her legs releases and drop down to the bed. I inhale, taking is some fresh air. I look at Ashley who looks strange. She was sort of pale, like she was about to be sick. Her eyes were as wide as I had ever seen them and she looked… terrified. I had never seen her this way before. She quickly rolls out of bed and stands up.

Nick Ridicule
What’s going on with you?

I grab at my neck, moving to sit at the edge of the bed. I look at Ashley in her nightgown, she stops at the bathroom door and looks at me.

Ashley Matthews
Sorry about that… I need to take a shower and get ready… I feel.. Dirty…

She rushes into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. I hear it lock, then the shower turns on immediately after.

Nick Ridicule
Was it something I said?

I put my face into my hands, leaning forward. I look over to the clock to check the time. We had plans to double date with Biggie Mac and his fiancé Anna Stone. They were going to come over, spend the night with us in Miami, then tomorrow we would go to see the Dolphins play the Patriots.

[I can't wait for you to shut me up]
[And make me hip like bad ass]
[I can't wait for you to shut me up]
[Shut it up]

I grab my phone on the bed stand and pull it off the charger, looking at the screen to see her name. Seeing it makes my stomach feel queasy. I can hear the shower still on inside the bathroom but I stand up and leave the room with the phone anyway.

Nick Ridicule
What do you want?

Not the nicest way to greet someone over the phone, but the less I talked to her the better things would be for the both of us.

Katrina Costick
I miss you! I saw what happened at Seven Sins and I wanted to call to make sure you were alright. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you since that show. But every time I call or send you a message you never answer me.

I walk over and sit at the top of the steps. The mansion was huge, the biggest place I had ever lived in. Plus with one hundred acres of land we had seclusion and space to do anything. I stand up and walk down the steps, one at a time, slowly.

Nick Ridicule
Kat.. Ashley and I are trying to fix things. You know I don’t blame you for what happened, but I don’t think it’s a good idea if we talk to each other anymore. Now that I have her back, I can’t lose her again.

The other end of the phone is scary silent. I wonder if she’s heartbroken or pissed off at me. Kat was a really great person. One of my best and closest friends. I wish we hadn’t slept together. She was completely in love with me, but my heart belongs to Ashley. Forever and always.

Katrina Costick
So…..

It’s clear she’s fighting back tears. Her voice cracks as she tries to fight them, but it’s obvious. I bring the phone down and lean back on the wall, laying my head back on it, looking up to the ceiling. I bring the phone back to my ear.

Katrina Costick
So, I guess you’re done with me. Is that it?

She made it sound like I had used her. Treated her like nothing more than a whore.

Nick Ridicule
I tried to make things work out with you. I can’t do it. I don’t feel the same way about you, that you feel about me. I never will. I’m in love with someone. I’m in love with Ashley. Completely and totally devoted to her forever. I almost gave that up because of you, I can’t risk you finding a way to lower my guard again.

Katrina Costick
You say you don’t blame me for what happened, but now say you can’t risk me finding a way to lower your guard?

Nick Ridicule
We’re both responsible for what happened! Don’t for one damn second try to pretend it wasn’t your idea to take me away from Ashley! You lied about being in love with Matt, because you were in love with me. I didn’t have any feelings other than friendship for you…

Katrina Costick
Until you realized Ashley isn’t the girl you built her up to be inside your head! What about all the things you told me about her?

Nick Ridicule
I love everything about her. I love the good things, I love the bad things, I love her and was an idiot for trying to change her!

Katrina Costick
You’re an idiot now for walking into the same mistake!

Nick Ridicule
No, I’m an idiot for answering my phone! I never want to see or talk to you again Katrina, do you got that?

Katrina Costick
Yeah, I got it.

Nick Ridicule
NEVER! I wish I had never met you or anyone else from that shitty fucking Zombiehead band!

Katrina Costick
AND I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE KEPT YOUR BALLS INSTEAD OF GIVING THEM BACK TO THAT EVIL BITCH! One day you’re going to realize that you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life today! You’ll see that the two of us are meant to be together and nothing will stop that from happening!

She hangs up on me and I roll my eyes. What a crazy bitch she had become. Nothing like the person I had spent time with over the summer. I grab handfuls of my hair in my hands then pull myself off the wall and walk back upstairs. I enter the guest bathroom a door down from the guest bedroom, then get ready for a long day ahead.

I stare at myself in the mirror. I’m not narcissist, but as I looked at my newly grown mohawk, the fading by the day scar down my left eye, the half smile smirk on my face, I couldn’t help but feel like my old self again. An overwhelming joy filled me, one that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I take one final look at my mohawk, spiked up, then I step out of the bathroom.

Nick Ridicule
All ready?

I see Ashley standing at the door of the accomplishment room. One day, that room would be home for Ashley and my baby. The greatest accomplishment of my entire life will be the day that woman brings a child of mine into the world. I approach her, then hug her from behind, wrapping my arms around her as she stares into the room.

Nick Ridicule
Are you feeling better?

Ashley Matthews
Yeah.. I’m fine, just had a few bad memories.

Nick Ridicule
Want to talk?

She continued to stare ahead into the room. I hadn’t change a single thing about the room from…. That day.. The carpet still has an orangish, redish bloodstain on it. On the ground sit’s a broken frame case, a broken record inside, with pieces of glass and the record scattered about. I rest my head down on her shoulder, putting us cheek to cheek as we looked into the room.

Ashley Matthews
What happened that day? How did you…

She pauses for a second. It was clear she changed the subject.

Ashley Matthews
I thought I killed you.

She spins around and grabs me tight. She burrows her face into my chest and I can feel her hands claw into my shoulder as she hugged me as tight as she possibly could. I hold the back of her head in my hands, hugging her back. I feel tears begin to form in my eyes, but clear my throat and fight them back.

Nick Ridicule
You got closer than anyone else to doing it.

I let out an uncomfortable laugh, still holding her close. My attempt to lighten the mood didn’t work at all.

Nick Ridicule
I uh… It’s a long story.

Ashley Matthews
Please tell me what happened. I ran… I slashed your throat and I ran. I left you to die here and instead of calling anyone to help you, I went to… to…

Nick Ridicule
What?

Ashley Matthews
I went to kill myself.

She begins crying. I feel her panting on my chest, her tears soaking through my shirt, touching my chest. She makes it harder for me not to break down and join her.

Ashley Matthews
I’m so sorry.

As those words slip from her lips I lose it. I can feel the tears stream down my face, leaving my eyes, falling down my cheeks. I kiss her forehead, then pull her away from me enough so I can look into her eyes. They are red, puffy, starting to go bloodshot as tears roll down from them. I take her by her hands, holding them up to my chest over my heart which beats rabidly. It felt like I was about to fight, but she brought that kind of fire out of me.

Nick Ridicule
You don’t ever have to apologize to me for anything. I caused all of this and since that moment I’ve been trying to do whatever it takes to fix things. I changed. Not for the better, but for the worst. I started reverting to my old ways, started becoming an ego tripping asshole. I always said I wasn’t good enough for you and I proved it over the summer… I’m so sorry and I understand if you never forgive me. But just know I’ll never give up on us again, I’ll never forget how important you are to me and how much I love you. You’re not just the love of my life, or my soul mate, but you’re by best friend ever. I wouldn’t trade the time we’ve spent together, good or bad, for anything! Anything. I just… I need to know you forgive me. I need to know that this is for real. That we’re the Duo of Destruction again. Forever.

She hugs me again, holding me tight.

Ashley Matthews
I forgive you. I love you more than anything..

She pauses for a few seconds.

Ashley Matthews
Forever.

We just stand at the doorway holding each other. I rest my head down on her shoulder, closing my eyes. Enjoying the moment with her. One minute rolls by, than another. This was it, a clean slate, a chance for me to show I deserve a girl as special as her. She pulls away from me, looking over at the broken record on the ground again.

Ashley Matthews
How did the record break?

She breaks her glance from inside the room and looks at me again. I was hoping she wouldn’t ask, but sure enough, Ashley was just as persistent as ever before. I smile nervously, knowing I exactly what I was about to do. The old Nick Ridicule inside of me was dying to go on a long rant where I spill my heart to her…

Ashley Matthews
Please, I need to know what happened to you that day. After I left.

I look over her shoulder at it. A dream come true. I became a successful rockstar. But nothing so perfect is ever as it seems. That platinum record would always remind me of these times. The scar on my neck, on my eye, they were all just reminders. Reminders to make sure I never make the same mistakes.

Nick Ridicule
Well…

I could see the excitement in her eyes. She knew she was going to get that rant out of me. She was going to get her story filled with me being corny and she was going to soak it in loving every second of it… I hope. She wants me to spill my heart? For her, gladly.

Nick Ridicule
You slashed my throat, dropped the knife and left. That’s when my greatest fear became a reality. It was all over. End of the ride. People say that their entire life flashes before they die. In my case, our lives together flashed by... Like, what would have happened. Growing older together. Our first kids. I wanted all of that so badly, but didn’t realize it until you did what you did. Over time I had forgotten how amazing things are with you…

I stare into her eyes. This was always so hard for me to do. I had so many things to say to her, but never could find the words. I go back to telling the story.

Nick Ridicule
Anyway… I was ready to let go and die when I realized you would be charged with my murder. I mean, fingerprints on the knife, a dead husband in the kitchen, divorce papers on the counter… The thought of you going to prison because of a reaction… a just reaction… due to my betrayal… isn’t the way I wanted to go out. That’s not how I wanted to die. So I used everything I had to get up. I held the wound shut with a kitchen towel while holding my breath, knowing it would more than likely be my last. I took the knife and staggered out the back with it, then hid it in the pool filter where I knew no one would find it.. Hoped no one would find it.. If they suspected a murder they would have searched everywhere for the weapon….

Ashley looks on, completely fascinated.

Nick Ridicule
I figured getting rid of the evidence wouldn’t be enough though. I reentered the house, at this point the blood had already soaked the towel, so it was dripping leaving a trail everywhere I went. I crawled up the steps and entered this very room, looking at the platinum CD on the wall. You brought it that day and that was the first good look I had gotten of it. It was a reminder of what I had done, the life that I was starting to fall into.. It reminded me just how far the two of us had drifted apart. I ran at it and hit it with my head as hard as I could. The glass and CD shattered, slicing me down my eye. I fell to the ground and only a few minutes later EMT’s were all around me…

Ashley Matthews
Why did you do that? Were you upset?

Nick Ridicule
I thought maybe they would believe the glass or record sliced my throat. That’s what I told the doctor happened and although he didn’t believe me, he also didn’t ask questions.

Ashley Matthews
Oh.

Nick Ridicule
Before fading away, looking at the ceiling. I thought about what I just did. With my last bit of life, I did whatever I could to make sure you would be ok… even without me. The only thing I thought about was you. I remembered exactly why I’m here. For you. The great defender… killed by the only person he ever loved.. The only person to love him…

I look at her through blurred, teary eyes. She wipes my tears away with her thumbs and I look at her to see tears in her eyes as well. I wipe them, then we kiss each other. We look into the room one last time, before she reaches out and grabs the handle, then pulls it shut.

Nick Ridicule
That’s love… True.. True love… Nothing makes me feel the way you do. We have something between us so special you and I. We also could write one hell of a love story, I’ll tell you that much.

Ashley Matthews
We really do have something special.

She giggles a little.

Ashley Matthews
Our story would bring a tear to a glass eye.

We hug each other. It felt pretty good to get so much off my chest. Was this it? Were things finally as perfect as I had dreamed? We walk toward the steps, holding hands.

Ashley Matthews
How did they get here?

Nick Ridicule
Who? Mac and Anna are coming in later, we have to get them from the airport remember?

Ashley Matthews
No, silly, not them! The paramedics. Who called them?

We begin walking down the steps. I knew this was only going to lead to trouble, but reluctantly I answered.

Nick Ridicule
Turns out Kat was watching the house that day. She called them

Ashley stops and I keep walking down the steps then stop. I turn and look up at her. She has a funny look on her face. She was always so hard to read.

Ashley Matthews
Oh. What a creeper.

She walks past me on the steps, pulling me behind her. I stop and she keeps going, but is forced to stop by my hand. She turns and looks up at me, giving me a chance to explain.

Nick Ridicule
She knew I was going to tell you what happened and she was afraid you would kill me…

I give Ashley a serious look. She turns slightly red, then walks up to a step above me so we’re face to face.

Ashley Matthews
How does she know where this place is?

Her little nose scrunches as she questions me. It’s hard not to smile, but I think I hide it well. She was so adorable and knowing we were together again made all of these things easier to say.

Nick Ridicule
She helped me pick it out during the camp condemned tour. This was a anniversary gift to you… us.. Remember?

She releases my hand and crosses her arms, then rolls her eyes.

Ashley Matthews
Yes, I remember.

I take Ashley by her hands, then wait for her to look into my eyes.

Nick Ridicule
She sort of saved my life…. A life that I realized isn’t worth living without you anyway. After the Kings of the New Federation show, when you crucified me, that’s when I really figured things out. I knew that I had to have you and nothing would stop me. I looked into your eyes, like I’m looking into them now and I can see that love you used to have for me. We just lost our way a bit through the last year.. We’re still only kids, Ashley. But I know I want to spend my entire life with just you.

I let her hands go and hug her.

Ashley Matthews
What about Kat?

Nick Ridicule
I’ve spent the last half an hour spilling my heart to you… and I still have a million other things I wish I could tell you. I could fill entire books spilling my love for you and it would fall short of even the lowest standards every time.

Ashley Matthews
I’m sorry.

I try to pull away from her but she wont let me.

Ashley Matthews
Don’t tell me not to apologize!

That’s exactly what I was going to tell her.

Nick Ridicule
I mean… What about her? She’s not you. No one is anything like you. You’re… I can’t even think of how to put it. You’re the one and only you. I love every single thing about you, good or bad. You can’t do wrong in my eyes, even slashing my throat turned into the best thing that could have happened to me, to us. A life without you, is no life I want to be a part of…

She whispers into my ear.

Ashley Matthews
You’ve got me.

I smile wide. The sad part of the story was finally over and we could live happily ever after.

Nick Ridicule
I’m ready to live again.

Ashley Matthews
I love you, Nick.

Nick Ridicule
And I love you, Ashley.

We walk down the rest of the steps, circling down to the first floor. We enter the kitchen and Ashley immediately looks to the floor, it looks like she’s searching for the bloodstain.

Nick Ridicule
The blood on this floor came up a lot easier. Thanks linoleum.

She doesn’t like any of my jokes about having my throat slashed, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to make it no big deal. I wanted her to be comfortable with me as we started to get our relationship up off the ground again. She looks at the coffee maker I had got for her, coffee already brewed. She looks at me and smiles, then sticks her tongue out at me.

Nick Ridicule
Ha.

She makes her coffee the way she likes, then takes a sip.

Ashley Matthews
Hazelnut, my favorite.

I knew that.

Nick Ridicule
Yup.

Ashley Matthews
You’re the best!

Nick Ridicule
No, you’re the best. I wouldn’t be anything without you.

She takes another sip of her coffer, holding the cup in both her little hands.

Nick Ridicule
I’ll go start the car, our guests should be getting in soon.

Ashley Matthews
I’ll be out I a second.

I walk out of the kitchen to the front door and step outside. It’s a great day out, birds chirping, everything felt perfect. I walk over to the 72’ Chevy SS Nova, then jumps and slide across the hood landing, on the other side. I smile then swing my door open and sit down in the drivers seat. I fire her up, revving the engine a few times, then turn on the radio.

“Not sure how may people have heard about this or not, but former multi platinum music star Nick Ridicule and his new ban Ashes of a Rising Son’s newest album entitled ‘Katatonick’ has been released as a demo in select stores across the united states. Since the release, all the stores have had to pull the CD due to people burning them! This guy makes a CD about not conforming, than he goes and….”

I turn off the radio, having heard enough. I jolt in my seat as Ashley opens the passenger door and sits down.

Ashley Matthews
You ok? Did I scare you?

Nick Ridicule
Little bit. I’m fine babe, never better.

Ashley Matthews
We’re going to have so much fun, I think this is our first double date.

Nick Ridicule
I’m excited, lets make some new friends.

A Bad Company way of life: Part I: A clean slate

A Bad Company way of life: Part I: A clean slate

A Bad Company way of life: Part I: A clean slate :: Comments