-Finding God-

December 16th 2009
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Finding God

We got on a flight from Sacramento to Toronto, then Ashley map quested the directions to his mansion, and we drove there in the rental car we got. During the trip Ashley forced me to tell her all about my dream. I had to tell her everything that happened, and it made me sick.

«Ashley Matthews»
You sure about this Nick?

I wasn’t sure about it at all, in fact in seemed like a reach.

«Nick Ridicule»
No, but we’re already in Canada.

Ashley directed me where to go, and before I knew it, we arrived outside the gate to a large mansion. I slowed down, then stopped in front of the gate.

«Nick Ridicule»
Is this the place?

«Ashley Matthews»
Yeah, this is it.

We looked at the huge gate, which had to be opened by someone to let us in.

«Nick Ridicule»
Should I dial the code phone?

«Ashley Matthews»
And warn him that we’re here. We know how much he loves to play hide and seek, if he knows we’re here, not only won’t he let us in, but he’ll go and hide again.

She was right, and she looked so good being right. I thought about how to get in, and even though it was a dumb idea, I tried anyway.

«Nick Ridicule»
Do you think we can climb over the gate?

I turned on the light inside the car, and could see that Ashley was looking at me funny.

«Ashley Matthews»
Are you serious?

I smiled.

«Nick Ridicule»
I thought I would say it, then judging by your reaction, I would determine whether I was serious or not.

I looked at Ashley who had the most serious look on her face that I had ever seen before.

«Nick Ridicule»
I was just joking Ashley, lighten up.

The gate opened drawing our attention.

«Nick Ridicule»
Creepy.

«Ashley Matthews»
Hurry, drive in!

I shrugged and drove in, then drove towards the mansion. I parked the car and looked at the mansion which seemingly had all it’s blinds closed, and most of the lights off.

«Nick Ridicule»
He’s here Ashley, I know it.

«Ashley Matthews»
I think so too Nick.

Ashley smiled at me, and we got out of the car and walked to the front door. I waited a few seconds before reaching down and pressing the doorbell.

[Ding Dong]

The door swung open and we were greeted by the sight of Brenton Cyrus. He looked shocked to see us.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Oh fuck.

«Nick Ridicule»
You’re alive!?

I stared at him thinking about Majority Rules, his funeral, all the things I had gone through because of that match. Even though I believed he was alive, I wasn’t prepared to see him.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Hello Nick, Hello Ashley.

He looked at both of us and nodded his head, smiling. I tried my best to put the thoughts together that were flowing through my head, but I just couldn’t. When you believe something so heavily, nothing keeps it from being real. The same way I believed Brenton Cyrus was god, I believed he had died by my hands. I tried to say something but nothing came out. “Say anything!” Everyone just stood there, looking at each other. “How long has it been since anyone has said something?” I blurted something out.

«Nick Ridicule»
…flagga cabagga…
■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Please come it.

Brenton looked at me, and Ashley started laughing. “Where do I remember that from?” I looked at Ashley, then thought about Monday night.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
What?

«Nick Ridicule»
Nothing, let’s go in.

I grabbed Ashley’s hand and we walked inside Brenton’s mansion. It looked exactly like it did in the dream.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Ashley, I want to apologize to you. I’m sorry for punt kicking you to the skull at God of War.

I looked at Ashley, who’s eyes opened wide, then I looked at Brenton.

«Ashley Matthews»
What?

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
I was completely out of line. I have no idea what would ever possess me to do something so evil to you. I can only hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me.

His words were genuine, and I was happy he apologized to her.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
I mean, you did already get me back.

I looked at Ashley, then looked at Brenton. “Does he know?”

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
God’s temple? You got me good, so what do you say we’re even?

«Ashley Matthews»
Ok.

Brenton nodded his head, then looked at me.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
I think you two should come in, get comfortable, can I help you with your bags?

I looked around the mansion which looked exactly as it did in my dream.

«Nick Ridicule»
Yeah.

I continued to stare at different things in the house, wondering if Ashley believed me about my dream now. My trance was instantly broken however.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Let’s go get the bags Nicky.

I turned around and walked to the car. Brenton followed behind me, as I popped the trunk. I reached down and grabbed one of the bags, then picked it up and pushed it into the chest of Brenton Cyrus. I held onto it and stared into his eyes, before releasing the bag and asking.

«Nick Ridicule»
Why did you fake your death?

I just couldn’t wait to ask, and wondered if he even planned on telling me or Ashley why he faked his demise.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
I’ll tell you, and Ashley, when we get inside.

I grabbed Ashley’s bags and shut the car trunk, then followed Brenton who carried my bag into the mansion. I shut the front door behind me.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
You two can stay in Nick’s room.

Brenton put my bags down in the center of the entry way, so I put Ashley’s bag next to mine, I wondered what Brenton meant.

«Nick Ridicule»
My room?

Brenton shook his head, a slight bit of laughter escapes his mouth, but it’s clouded by the tension in the room.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
It was a poor attempt at humor, this was one of the first places I brought you when I kidnapped you.

Ashley turned and almost yelled at Brenton.

«Ashley Matthews»
And tortured him!

I had already let go of the past, no one owed me anything and I liked it that way. I hated being apologized too, why should someone else be sorry when I’m not? However my rule does change when it comes to Ashley. If you wrong my perfect angel, then an apology is all that will save you from me, and even that wont be enough more then likely.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
You’re right Ashley, I kidnapped Nick, tortured him, brought him close to death, and so many other things. But through it all Nick Ridicule has survived, and each instance has made him so much stronger. Nick, I’m sorry for what Chuck and I did to you, what Salvation did to you. Just like Ashley, I hope you can forgive me.

I shook my head, I considered it disrespectful when Chuck apologized to me, and in the same way I felt disrespected now. If a little bit of pain is all I had to go through in order to be the man I am today, so be it. I proudly tell people that my masters, the men who trained me are Brenton Cyrus and Chuck Matthews, them apologizing to me was telling me that they failed, and calling me a failure.

«Nick Ridicule»
You too!?

I practically shouted, without even knowing it.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
What do you mean?

«Nick Ridicule»
Chuck apologized for it too! The two of you have nothing to apologize about! I got to learn from the two greatest ever. Without Ashley, You, and Chuck, their would be no Nick Ridicule. Why doesn’t anyone understand that you guys saved me, changed my life. I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t for you. I’d be Alex Mark, failure. I wouldn’t have Ashley, the NLWF Championship, thousands of people every week screaming for me to keep fighting. You telling me your sorry, Chuck telling me he’s sorry is like telling me I’m not supposed to be the man I am today, you’re telling me that just because your initiation was harsh, that you were wrong, and it pisses me off!

Brenton interrupted, he could probably tell I was starting to get angry, and wanted to calm me down.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
But the way we did it was too much.

«Nick Ridicule»
It was worth that month of pain and torture, after a lifetime of the same abuse, in order to become the man I am today. You’re forgiven. The reason I killed you, was because you pissed on my dead Mom, and punt kicked my girlfriend. I couldn’t allow that to go unpunished.

Brenton nodded

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Nick, I’m…

«Nick Ridicule»
You’ve apologized to me, you’ve apologized to Ashley, plus I power bombed you through the ring and almost killed you. I think all of us are finally even, we’ve all made each other pay.

Ashley put her hand on Nick’s shoulder.

«Ashley Matthews»
You haven’t done anything to Daddy.

Ashley looked at Brenton, then back at me. But she was wrong, I did do something to Chuck.

«Nick Ridicule»
Yes I did, I took you from him. You were his replacement to Brenton, the same way Brenton replaced Chuck with several different people.

Brenton interrupted.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
We should really sit down and have a talk, the three of us. Do you want anything to drink?

«Nick Ridicule»
Water.

«Ashley Matthews»
Can I have a pepsi?

Brenton nodded.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Yeah, you two take a seat in the living room, and I’ll be in with your beverages. Just leave your bags, we’ll bring them to the guest room later. I’ve got a lot of explaining to do.

I grabbed Ashley’s hand and we walked into the living room. The first thing I immediately noticed was the home entertainment theater, just like the one in my dream.

«Nick Ridicule»
Ashley look, it’s exactly like my dream!

Ashley looked at the TV, then back at me.

«Ashley Matthews»
You’re right, you should ask him if he has a pyramid box, like the other dream you had.

«Nick Ridicule»
Good idea.

We kept looking at the TV, until Brenton came into the room with our drinks.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
You like that?

«Nick Ridicule»
Yeah, I was just telling Ashley it reminded me of the one in a dream I had.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
I was watching Revolution on it yesterday on that, you two make a hell of a return.

Just like my dream he was watching Revolution, then Alison must have showed up. I looked at Ashley, a look of satisfaction on my face. I showed her I wasn’t lying, and not only that, but I didn’t have a dream about Alison under my own free will.

«Nick Ridicule»
Hey Brenton, I have a question for you.

Brenton handed me a bottle of water, then handed Ashley her Pepsi.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Shoot.

We sat down, Brenton sitting down in a chair that resembled a throne. Behind the throne was a championship case, and at the top of the case was the World Heavyweight Wrestling Championship. Ashley and I sat down on the couch, Ashley grabbed my arm and wrapped it around her making me smile.

«Nick Ridicule»
Do you have a pyramid box?

Brenton’s expression didn’t change at all.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Why?

I tried to read him, but got absolutely nothing.

«Nick Ridicule»
Just forget I mentioned it.

Brenton stared across the room at me, he had been staring at me since I mention the box. Not once did he blink his eyes, his stare pierced right through me before Ashley jumped in.

«Ashley Matthews»
Nick had a dream that he could see through the eyes of Sal Ramis, and he stole your pyramid box! Nick had another dream like that last night where he dreamt he was you, and Ali came over, and you two…

[Ding Dong]

Brenton didn’t bother looking away from me, finally he stood up and looked at both of us.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Please excuse me.

Brenton walked out of the room. I sat up, turning Ashley towards me.

«Nick Ridicule»
What was that?!?

Ashley smiled.

«Ashley Matthews»
What do you mean?

I let out a sigh.

«Nick Ridicule»
Ashley you know one of my favorite things about you is the fact that you have more balls then anyone I’ve ever met, but when you’re dealing with Brenton and Chuck you need to handle things in a subtle way. If you go blurting out the motive of the conversation it doesn’t give them enough time to ease into it, and it scares them into a defensive mode. They start lying, and changing the subject. But if you handle things in a cool, calm fashion they begin to open up and will tell you just about anything.

«Ashley Matthews»
Huh…

«Nick Ridicule»
I would bet anything that when he comes back in here he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that subject doesn’t get brought up again, because he’s hiding something.

«Ashley Matthews»
I think you’re right Nick, I want to know what’s in that box that’s so special.

I didn’t even listen to what Ashley said, as the thoughts rolled through my head they immediately came out of my mouth.

«Nick Ridicule»
They like keeping secrets, ulterior motives, speaking in half truths, and above all they never let you completely in. That’s probably why they were such great friends, because they could tell each other anything, but when that changed the shit hit the fan.

Ashley stared at me, she was probably wondering where this was coming from, but I didn’t even know.

«Nick Ridicule»
They never cared what I had to say, they treated me like garbage, have gone out of their way to embarrass me. They don’t like me, they don’t respect me. What is it I see in them that makes them my heroes? They are the two greatest ego tripping assholes in the history of the world, yet I’ve protected them, defended them, and for what? I’ve never asked a thing of them, besides the ridiculous request to marry you. Brenton drew it out for months and Chuck made me get down on me knees and beg to marry you.

I shrugged, it was a small price to pay to get the approval. But the way they made me get it ruined the idea of proposing for me.

«Nick Ridicule»
It’s because of them I separated from you, the only person who loves me. But Ashley I promise you things are going to be different. You’ve been right all along, and no matter what I tried to believe you were wrong. I don’t need Brenton, I don’t need Chuck, and I don’t need Salvation. I’ve got you, the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

It was an epiphany, the realization that I was brainwashed by the two men that I held in my highest regards. They brainwashed me into believing they were the greatest, and accidentally they brainwashed me to believe they brainwashed me. This was it, the night I finally cut ties, with Salvation, original and new.

«Ashley Matthews»
I…

“What the hell are you two doing here!”

We both looked to see Alison staring at us. I really wanted to know what Ashley had to say, it was her who’s been telling me these things since day one. I wanted to tell her a few more things, now that this drastic change had occurred inside of me. I wanted to let her know that I wasn’t going to hate Chuck or Brenton, but that I also didn’t plan of affiliating with either of them anymore.

«Nick Ridicule»
You told us Brenton was dead.

Alison Williams
Got damn it!

Alison threw her purse at the ground and stomped her foot. She pointed at the door.

Alison Williams
GET THE FUCK OUT!

I jumped to my feet and Alison shoved her hand in my face, right before I could do the force face claw.

Alison Williams
Talk to the hand, then GET THE FUCK OUT!

Alison released a high pitch scream upon the final word of her sentence. I looked at my hand, then I looked at Alison’s hand. I gave Alison a high five, then held my hand up in her face locking in the face claw.

Alison Williams
He…

Alison had never had someone hold their hand in her face, she didn’t know what to say or do. I was actually able to silence her big mouth long enough to get a word in.

«Nick Ridicule»
Enough, you need to explain to me why you faked your death right now!

I used my other hand to point at Brenton who was leaning on the door frame watching Alison go to work. Brenton walked over and put his hand on my forearm and lowered my face claw. Alison rolled her eyes then slapped me.

Alison Williams
Don’t do that!

«Nick Ridicule»
Ouch!

Ashley stood up, ready to, more then likely, beat the shit out of Alison for slapping me, but I moved my hand slightly and Ashley sat back down, avoiding a face claw.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
We need to talk Nick, ladies…

Brenton looked at Alison with a serious look on his face.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Play nice.

Brenton walked out of the room, assuming I would follow him.

«Nick Ridicule»
Ashley, please do me a favor and be nice to Alison.

I waited a few seconds for Ashley to tell me she would behave but got nothing. Alison was on her own, If Ashley didn’t want to do something, I wouldn’t make her.

«Nick Ridicule»
I’ll be right back.

«Ashley Matthews»
Ok.

I walked away from Ashley “This reminds me of what happened at Frank‘s house.” I shook that thought right out of my head, Brenton Cyrus isn’t enough of an ETA to stab anyone in the back just for a title shot, or maybe this is just personal. “would he kidnap Ashley, maybe that‘s what this entire death is about.” We walked upstairs, I followed close behind him, and was worrying about Ashley. “Ashley could beat up Alison, but Lauren got Ashley, and I think Alison could take Lauren.” I was so paranoid I started thinking about walking back downstairs to make sure Ashley was ok. We walked into a room and Brenton shut the door behind us.■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
You ok Nick?

I’m sure the look of concern for Ashley was showing on my face.

«Nick Ridicule»
Frank Hart and Lauren Taylor set us up over a month ago, they booked a Live or Die match on SCWF and put Ashley life on the line.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
I heard about that. But Nick you have nothing to worry about, it’ll be a cold day in hell the next time you see me inside of an NLWF ring.

«Nick Ridicule»
Why?


Brenton told me why he faked his death, why he’s not coming back, and for the first I understood. Ashley and I spent the night at his house, then left the next morning. Before I left I made sure to ask Brenton.

«Nick Ridicule»
Chuck is in a TLC match next week for the Tag Team Titles, he doesn’t have a partner.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
I’m sure he’ll work something out.

I had nothing else to say to him.

«Nick Ridicule»
I guess this is goodbye then.

■■□Brenton Cyrus□■■
Yup, good luck carrying the NLWF on your back like I did Nick.

With a smile on my face I replied.

«Nick Ridicule»
Luck is for losers.

For the rest of the week I did NLWF publicity things as champion, while I set up Ashley’s Birthday Extravaganza. I even called Brenton to see if he would reconsider teaming with Chuck for TLC, but he had no interest at all.


«The Match»
Jason I don’t believe you know what I’m trying to do when I say I aim to humble people like you. there is an old saying that goes pride comes before the fall, and I feel like it’s my job to make your fall, and the fall of all ETA’s, as vicious as possible. Another saying goes the higher they are, the harder they fall. Well for the ego tripping assholes of the NLWF, a lot of people are in for a mighty fall.

Three weeks of Nick Ridicule, and Jason Hawk you’ve survived. That means a few things, you’re a tough son of a bitch, you haven’t pissed me off to the point where I kill you, and there is still a ray of hope shining down on you. I see the potential you have, but watch as it’s clouded.

I fear the same fate surrounds Steven Angel, as he shows the world that he has all the potential, but is under the wrong influence. I am a leader to those who ask for my leadership, and that’s all. You don’t have to like me, you don’t have to talk to me, but you will respect me for what I do week in and week out.

Good Pride:
* Proper respect for one-self, self-respect
* A reasonable or justifiable self-respect
* Sense of one's own dignity and self-worth
* Delight or satisfaction in one's own or another's achievements

Bad Pride:
* An unduly high opinion of oneself
* Exaggerated self-esteem, conceit
* Haughty behavior resulting from arrogance
* An improper and excessive self-esteem known as conceit and arrogance
* A sin of attitude and of the heart and spirit
* A puffed up and inflated ego
* Boasting and high-mindedness
* A conceited sense of one's superiority
* Highly exalted in attitude, opposite from the virtue of humility


I’ve seen pride destroy a lot of things in my life, watched it rip apart two of the closest friends in the history of the NLWF. I hope you understand now what I mean Jason. When you have an ego you carry it everywhere you go, it weighs you down, and as you gain success it grows more and more. But then Jason, the fall comes, and the bigger that ego grew, the bigger that ego will fall.

Jason you’re still young, still new to the NLWF, and I’m trying desperately to save you from a lot of pain. If you let your ego get out of hand it will lead to your demise, to your doom. You could go from Jason Hawk the #1 Contender to the No Limit Wrestling Federation Championship, to Jason Hawk paraplegic in the blink of an eye.

You can be proud of yourself when you begin to accomplish big things in the NLWF, I believe in you Jason, and I feel you’ll be a star in the NLWF, a future major champion but not yet. You aren’t mature enough to handle the pressure, that I handle.