Allison Williams is not awesome

by Guest July 18th 2009, 3:49 pm

The camera opens and Luna is sitting with a man who seems to be an interviewer

Interviewer: Hi Luna Valentine I’m Mark Bascar

Luna Valentine: Hello…

Mark Bascar: Luna I want to ask you a few questions. Starting with what do you think of Allison Williams?

Luna Valentine: Well first I think she’s a complete whore and she doesn’t belong in the NLWF. I think she belongs on the corner. I mean that’s where she spent most of her life right? Second I think she talks way too much shit. If you can’t fucking back up what you say then shut the fuck up! I swear I’m so tired of her saying “I’m going to be the new Women’s World champion.” Fucking News flash! No your not! Over my fucking dead body! The only way she would be the new champion is if Brooklyn Hawk, Ruby Miller, and I just sat there in the ring and played dead. Which none of us will do.

Mark Bascar: Well Luna what do you think of your other opponents for Resurrection of Respect?

Luna Valentine: Honestly I think Brooklyn will be a good opponent. I mean as long as she doesn’t get in the way of MY title. I get that she’s a GM of Fusion, but she still isn’t going to win. I appreciate that she said she thinks I will go far in the NLWF. I think she will go far too, but she will be behind me. That title is mine and I won’t let anyone get in the way of me having it, not even a GM. Hmmm oh right Ruby Miller. Well honestly I know nothing about her. If she’s a good opponent I don’t know. I hope she is cause I want to remember the match at Resurrection of Respect for the rest of my life as the match where I won the Women’s World Champion Title. Also good luck to Brooklyn Hawk this week at Legacy in her debut match.

Mark Bascar: What is your opinion on your match this week with Allison at Legacy?

Luna Valentine: Well I think it’s going to be an easy match. I’m going to win. I really don’t know why they made it a arm wrestling match, but whatever it’s all a build up for ROR. Once I beat Allison this week there will be nothing to stop me form winning my title. Allison thinks she’ll win. Well she is thinking wrong. Cause I am Luna Valentine and Allison Williams is so not awesome. Allison I’m better and stronger than you will ever be so at our match this week you better be prepared to lose.

Mark Bascar: What do you think about what Allison has been saying about you and the other Divas here at the NLWF?

Luna Valentine: I think that Allison talks too much and when she talks about me in my mind I want to ask her if she wants me to do to her what I did to Lillian Shark. Allison no one cares that you love yourself. No one cares that you’re the “Dick Magnet” well maybe Aaron O’Shea cares. I’d like to say that I truly feel sorry for Aaron. Oh Allison if you’re out there listening I don’t want you to be in hell. I just want you out of the NLWF cause you don’t belong here and everyone knows it. Hell is not the place for you. I like to think of hell as a great place and if you were there hell would become the new house of whores and you would be the queen of whores. So please don’t ruin hell for me. Death Angel is no idiot sweetheart he’s a genius and if you don’t shut up bad things will happen to you. And last and certainly least I don’t want to kiss your ass. I suggest no one kiss Allison Williams’s ass you might catch a disease and I personally don’t want to die of Aids or HIV.

Mark Bascar: So far a lot of people have called you “emo”. Luna do you consider yourself “emo”?

Luna Valentine: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I’m not fucking emo! I don’t cry in a little corner and wallow in pity. I’m just a person out there in the world trying to do what I want with my life.

Mark Bascar: Well Luna that is all the questions I have for you. If you’d like to say anything else this would be your opportunity.

Luna Valentine: Thank you Mark. I’d like to say that Allison needs to shut up about Megan. Megan was and always will be a better wrestler than you pregnant or not. I wanted my title match to be with Megan because she is a worthy opponent. I’m not saying that I like her, but she deserved her title and I wanted to be the one to take it away from her. Allison you could never be a better champion than Tiffany Starr was. I also have respect for her because she did what she wanted to do here, and I will not let you ruin her name with your filthy mouth. I’ve heard that you two had your matches. Didn’t Tiffany win them both? Tiffany or Megan whichever one you go by now when you come back to the NLWF I’ll be here waiting for you, and I guarantee I will have the Women’s title. When you get back I hope that I finally get that match with you that I will be waiting so long for. Until Megan gets back I’m going to be champion and head bitch of the NLWF and no one can stop me!

Mark Bascar: Thank you for your time Luna.

Luna Valentine: No problem Mark I love talking shit that I will back up.

Luna gets up and leaves the room and the camera fades to black

Luna walks back to the locker room and the mysterious masked man from before is sitting there once again

Luna Valentine: Oh great you again! What the fuck do you want?

Masked Person: Oh Luna that is no way to greet someone.

Luna Valentine: I’m not fucking greeting you I’m asking what the fuck your doing here.

Masked Person: Did you have fun ranting about Allison?

Luna Valentine: Um yeah I guess. It’s my real opinion and it’s not ranting it’s explaining my thoughts.

Masked Person: Luna I’m here to tell you that the dark will get darker and that change is coming and remember that the Monster is watching…

Luna Valentine: Ok whatever creepy dude that makes no sense. Are you done now?

The Masked Person stands up and walks to the door. Before leaving he turns around

Masked Person: It will all make sense at Resurrection of Respect Luna… You’ll see… Goodbye…

Luna Valentine: Yeah Yeah I’m used to your creepiness… Resurrection of Respect I can’t fucking wait